Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
