the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I have feelings that need drinking.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
