today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
