evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
