i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
