ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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