The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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