How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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