Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I think people are normalizing furries
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
