....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
