hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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