I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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