Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
