Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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