Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
