i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
