I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
