So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
