Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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