I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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