My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
They have beer where we have blood.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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