Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
