i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
