Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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