If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize