I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
