im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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