u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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