Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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