So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
