I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
