I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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