I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
