He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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