i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
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sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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