look no pants
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
