For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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