If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
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i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Sorry about my life...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
How does it feel to date your dad?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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