you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
