I am in a vortex of obligation.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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