You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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