she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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