Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
