your thong is hanging out like whoa
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
