Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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