I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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