Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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