i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
