True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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