i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
