awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
vagina is talking i cant
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
