I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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