I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
