yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
