Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I need a beard to bite.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
