So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
