so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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