I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
