Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
