went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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