I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
