id be glad to
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
