remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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