I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
