Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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