I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
