Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
