dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
