Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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