What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
