I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
