what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
