you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize