But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
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You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
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Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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