just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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