You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
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