I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
