Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
