Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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