Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
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im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
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You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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